Due date getting closer

I have been feeling so very emotional lately in anticipation of my Angel Boy's 1 year due date. He was due May 12, 2008. I know that my husband and I will be he only ones to remember. I close my eyes sometimes and try to imagine what he would look like now, what it would feel like to hold him tight in my arms and kiss his face. Something that I will only be able to imagine. I am not the same person I used to be. I have changed so much. I know I make others uncomfortable because they want me to be the old person they know. She's gone with a one way ticket out of here. I think it is because my heart is not whole. So many pieces and one missing. I do things for children at school who are in need because I cannot do them for my son. In my mind I tell myself I am doing it in his name. I guess that is my way to honor him, since I cannot physically do anything for him. Oh how I miss him. This is such an unnatural order of things. Babies are not supposed to die. No matter how long I live I will never be able to wrap my mind around it.