You know what fall means to me now. Pain. Pure and utter pain. It was the time I was so happy to find out I was pregnant with Devyn, and the time I found out that my precious baby boy was sick. It is the time that reminds me of how helpless I felt to save my son, searching and searching for something to find hope and some way to save him, finding help, and then him dying before I could get him to that help. It is the time that I really found out who my true friends were, and also found out that some whom I thought were my friends, chose to ignore me because THEY felt uncomfortable. It is the time where I really began to feel that I really did not matter to God because how could He play such a cruel joke on someone like that. I wanted my baby so very badly, and he was given to me and then taken away. Where can the rationale for that be?? Fall is the time I had to go through the pain of labor knowing I would not have my son come home with me in the end. Fall is the time when I found out that mommies and daddies have to make arrangements at funeral homes for their babies. Fall is the time when my life and my heart broke in to a million pieces.
Is fall my favorite season anymore?? I don't think so.