Saturday, March 21, 2009

Tired of people telling me I should be grateful

I am so tired of people telling me to be happy for the living children that I have. I am so, so very grateful for them. I love them with everything I have within me. I love all my lost babies, too. I want all of my babies with me. One child cannot replace another. And people do not realize that secondary infertility hurts, too.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Failed IUI

I tested this morning and it was negative. I was hoping first day of spring, a new beginning. That idea was shot to hell. This was our second IUI. Our first ended in a miscarriage at 8 weeks. We have been trying since 2006 to have another baby. We have had during this time a miscarriage, a stillbirth, another miscarriage, a blighted ovum and now another failed IUI. And I'm not getting any younger. I feel like life hates me for some reason. Why does it have to be so hard. I try so hard not to be bitter but it is just seeping into me slowly. My heart just hurts so much right now. I have to suck it up and go to work and put on my "I'm just nifty" face. I know I will break into pieces when I see my pregnant co-worker. Facing pregnant women is the hardest next to infant. Life just sucks.